Saturday, April 7, 2007

How to build a fence without scraping your nail polish.


It can't be done.

You are guaranteed to be filthy, sweating and covered in concrete and dirt. It is possible you will be cursing in all the languages you know, and my name might be said with malice.
With this agreed upon, let us go over the steps to making a cheap and quick fence.
1. Tear down the old fence and try your best to remove the concrete that is poured into the base of the 4 x 4 posts. If you fail to do this, you will spend the next day beating and smashing apart concrete. Instead of exerting myself I staggered the post layout and left the concrete in the ground for some poor fool in the future . You can have a maximum distance of 8 feet between posts before they start lacking the strength to hold up the fence materials. ( You need to figure on wind pressure if you are building on a hill and shorten the space between the posts)
2. Figure out your boundary line and place two stakes in the ground and run a dry line (pulled as tight as you are able) between the two stakes.
3. Rent a "hole auger" or plan on hours and hours of digging.
4. You will need these tools: A post level, a tape measure, a saw, a speed square or framing square, and lots of pencils to lose. Also a big bucket for concrete, a water hose and some family relative to order around.
5. A general rule to remember is that for every two feet upwards, you need to sink one foot of post into the ground.
6. Use the dry line to figure out where to dig your holes, if you fail to do this your fence will curve, and that looks awful; don't do that because it makes your neighbors very angry and they might throw rocks at your car.
7. Pour about 6 inches of gravel in the bottom of the hole before you drop the post in, water will drain better that way. Center the post and have your helper hold the post level on it and stand there.
8. mix your concrete. The more water you add the weaker it gets. If your concrete looks and feels like soup, you need to add more concrete. You want it the texture of thick, lumpy oatmeal. Don't get it on your skin because it will dry out your skin and it burns.
9. Have your friend hold the post in place until it sets up (10 minutes) or nail on some cleats (three directions into the ground) Don't hit your thumb with the hammer.
10. Once the post is set in the concrete (24 hours) build a frame out of pressure treated 2 x 4's. Measure twice cut once, the material is expensive. I like to run the top 2 x 4 along the top of the posts. I cut 6 inch pieces of 2 x 4 's and nail them on vertical on the post. Then I measure between the posts and run a 2 x 4 that lays across the 6 inch pieces. Now you have a top and bottom 2 x 4 to nail your planks to.
11. Nail on a plank at the two ends of the fence, first measuring so that the same amount of plank rises above the 2 x 4 on each side. Run dry line across the top of the two planks.
12. Nail on your planks with two nails on the top and two on the bottom. If you use a nail gun, never have your partner on the opposite site that you are working on. Nail guns can shoot nails that puncture arms, legs and skulls.

4 comments:

Diane Dehler said...

Vanishing,
Blogher.com has many great links to parenting blogs and women in the trades things.

I presume that you wear green nail polish.

vanishingword said...

I have been spending alot of time looking for such a color of nail polish. I have fears that it will conflict with the green hair dyes I admire...
I will go look on blogher.com thank you.

Diane Dehler said...

What quote? The blogosphere is so very large.

Diane Dehler said...

Sorry, can't help you with that quote. The only person that I could think of was Scarlet in Gone With The Wid, and somehow I don't see her toting samsonite luggage. Maybe, if it was upholstered with her curtain fabric. lol