I really sat and thought hard today. As I munched on a snack, I thought about everything I am walking away from. The difficult years of qualifying over and over again, to men that didn't want me around in the first place. The tears that I hide from them, when I fell short of expectations. The biting my lip when I got called all sorts of things when I messed up as an apprentice. I mean, I truly struggled through the four year apprenticeship; I was determined. In 2005 it was the only thing I had ever set my mind to and completed. It was a huge deal to me, sort of the great pyramid of Vanishingword's life. Each stone was placed with deliberation. I spent hours in class rooms, hours getting yelled at, hours sweating in the blazing sun. I worked upside down, underneath things, crawled in mud, got soaked in rain, had my boots fill with sea water and sea weed. I had birds poop on me, sun blister my nose, I drove a handrail post through my lip, and almost got fired for telling the boss what I thought of his plans.
I drove myself mercilessly to be competitive, and excel past my co-apprentices.
*sigh*
But I am leaving it. Its been 10 years since I was last in college, I'm over 32, and I'm scared that I'm too old and dumb to learn any new subjects.
13 comments:
Those are big changes & decisions. But well worth it. Being at home is harder than working. I really think so. And the thing is you can ALWAYS go back if you become to inclined. Too old & dumb? I think not. Look at your writing skills, parenting, partnering skills, etc. Those all count for something and show the world your intelligence lies in areas other than the career you are putting to rest.
Thanks for visiting, I'll be poppin back here for a look mooch about, if thats ok . . . leave the door open x x x
Not at all too old or dumb, dear. You're young! Sounds like you need a break; need time to focus on who you are and set your priorities in life.
BTW...love you photos, too!
From the tenacity, will and intelligence you have already demonstrated in your life, Vanished, it's clear what you can do.
Anything
You'll be fine, besides you've already done the really hard stuff, this will be similar to a vacation. Good luck. :)
As I recall college is full of kids who don't know what they are doing, or often why they are doing it. Many of them certainly waste a lot of time and resources. You will shine in their midst!
And hardly anyone will swear at you or try to push you over in the toilet...
As I remember, the adult students, were by far more focussed and concentrated on the study itself. They never showed up at parties, and were the first to leave the pub after an after-lessons drink, but hey, their grades were better then mine. And I passed, so...
Which is my way of saying: Go gettem!
you ownt believe how much I identify with this. Im a mechanical engineer, and after the kids, being 33 and all, I know I have one of the smartest brains ever, excelled past my colleagues, can do the toughest job, but the whole idea of going back in to the field now that I can scares me. Ive mellowed, and I dont know if I can handle arrogance and rudeness from young people all that well. :)
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